The nightmare was bad, but I don't remember very much of it, only that it included fighting. Lots and lots of fighting, and some nifty technological goodies interspersed.. which in no way differentiates it from the usual warmongering around here. I lay in bed for a while- Paul wasn't there- and dozed into a train of half-thought which danced around various daydreams and led to a question I can't believe I never asked. The Illuminati's goal is to get eventually power itself up to the day when they can take off their mask and not have to worry about resistance- but what about after that? What happens when Howard finally gets what he wants? Trans-dictatorship? I was idly wondering if I really wanted to know that- before I realized that it would be more annoying to keep wondering, got up, put the usual black on, and looked around. He wasn't in his room- he wasn't in the main part of the house. Maybe the basement? Or, more likely.. I took one look outside.

Yup, there he is. The usual spot, fifty feet in the air, hanging upside down without a care in the world because lots of technological death separates him from harm and the masses. I climbed up and hung down next to him, and finally asked him the question I've been wondering all day.

I did predict his reply correctly, of course- it's just the details that were interesting. "I'll advance mankind. Everyone will have a purpose to life, everyone will be working for a common goal, to better the planet and take the stars. No more war or famine, no more massive head games, no more useless bickering between private groups that don't know anything, and no more mega-recruitment by the public groups to get more followers and sycophants for their own petty games. No more bullshit, no more illusions, no more wasted lives on things that never existed. I'm just glad we came into existence before nuclear weapons did." Paradise. A completely controlled paradise. Get rid of most of the human parasites, prevent war, remove stupidity and mindless lashing-out and instead instill a kind of general need for more total power of humanity instead, with him and his organization at the fore. All the useless people will be dead- he has no reason to keep them alive- and the rest will be engineered through the roof. And of course he'll have total control... implants, no question. He's going to do it.

"Yeah, some idiot would push the little red button sooner or later.", I replied. "You mind if I just stay here?"

I got what I expected: "Stay, Billy. I like you here." And then he put his arm around me once more, I put my arm around him, as we hung upside down together, and a variant of 'that other thing' struck me again like a bolt of lightning. How can I possibly explain this? Being hugged by Howard is.. almost a religious experience. He's got all this totalitarian power and he puts it away like a temporarily-retired toy in a drawer. And he's letting me have some, after all, he's got plenty. He can do anything he wants, and yet he chooses to do this. Of course I know why.. after almost ten straight years of near-solitude, three months of having people to.. (wait, that's just a 'having people', isn't it) isn't enough. And I'm starting to feel the same way.. with the exception of Paul, all those masses of normals just don't cut it when you naturally talk over their heads. Like it or not, this is what I was made for, here is where I belong- as the eternal companion of Howard. If I knew terror anymore, I probably would have been internally screaming. Instead, I felt a slight tingling, like an ant walking across my brain.

Time disappeared. I have no idea how much.

"Howie.. what happens if your plan.. doesn't work?", I asked, half-expecting him to say 'My plans DON'T fail!' in a traditional Evil Overlord voice.

"Billy, there is no such thing as failure to a determined Illuminatus. There is either death, the plan changes, or I keep trying. Since the plan won't change and we're immortal, unless I get my head blown off, the plan will eventually happen." Not only is he cannibalistic, all-controlling, and a total bastard, he's relentless as well...

"God.. everyone implanted... Howard, I have real problems just.. just conceiving that. When I start thinking about it, it goes right into the part of my brain marked 'fantasy', you know?"

"That's because you have no idea of the power we wield. All governments, organizations, beliefs start out small, because while they're small, they don't usually have lots of people pushing against them. Then they come in one fell swoop and make big, loud promises, winning the sheeple over, and then when they're in power, they can do what they want- until, of course, they inevitably get overthrown. We're just there to make sure we control that one, too. But when we, ourselves, come- we'll sweep over everything, because we have everything. Normals don't understand social change very well and they like to think that the way things are, are the way things have always been." Which is also the reason for the 'generation gap'. "We just let them keep believing that. If we do it right there won't be any resistance."

"Yeah... ah hell, you're right, I am thinking like a normal. But.. that's what I've been."

"Culturally, not genetically. This, exactly this, is why you were created. You're to help me with whatever goals or sub-goals I need to perform. And that's what you've been doing." He held me a bit tighter.

"Yeah.. and those goals... will... will.." What was that word..

"Will what, Billy?"

"Will remove hope, Howard." That's the word. Hope. "When you finally succeed.. there will be no more hope." Howard emitted a traditional, diabolic, but not very loud, "MUA HA HA HA HA HA!!" Echo, of course, added something not seen with most evil overlords.

"Well, nope, there won't. Not much fear either, and very little anger. No more head games. Just humanity, doing what it should have been doing for the last seven thousand years, instead of circle-jerking with various styles of bullshit. And this planet will be a whole lot better for it."

"So what should humanity have been doing?"

"Expanding my inheritance. I got this solar system. If there's a way to do it, you know damn well what I plan to do."

"That will take.. oh, you really don't care, do you? Fuck, what the fuck am I thinking? I shouldn't care either." Immortality changes your whole line of thinking.

"Heh, heh, heh. Oh, it'll be sweeeet... just have to wait a couple hundred years."

"Yeah.. but you'll be the only one who can.."

"Make his own decisions? Possibly, but there are other engineereds. The world only needs one guy like that anyway, and it's not like everyone else won't be a hell of a lot better off."

"Well, won't they just be.. you know, living as slaves?"

"Ha. The Communists tried that. Nothing reduces efficiency like having no purpose. They'll do stuff, they'll just do it slow and wrong. Besides, why the hell would I want to live on a planet like that? No, you just let them know that they're not free, and then you make them happy about it." Which makes a great deal of sense. Make somebody do it, and yes, they'll do it. Make somebody want to do it, and they'll make sure they do it right.

"Is that what you're doing to me?"

"Of course! What - you think I wouldn't?" Emotion took me and I started cry-laughing for a while. So fucking funny, so fucking sad. "It's just harder than if you were a normal."

"Howie.. heh heh.. I still can't think like you."

"Like I said, it takes a very long time. Nine times outta ten, you do though. Don't worry, Billy. In a couple of years no one'll be able to tell us apart without an X-ray."

"And you'll be able to be in two places at once."

"Which is just one of the many benefits."

"Howard, if you list all the benefits, you're probably going to freak me out. Again."

"Oh really? Well let's see now.. two places at once, someone to help with assaults, someone to help plan things.. you can pretend you're me 95% of the time.. assorted other crap I wouldn't want to do myself or by myself.. oh, and Billy, you're someone to talk to, a warm body if nothing else."

"So you really do consider me your friend.."

"Well, of course! Billy, just because I completely control you doesn't mean we can't be friends." Something about that phrase opened something in my mind that I never wanted to see opened. He's got to be joking, though. But wait.. if he's joking with me, then.. I think I'm running into a mental block that doesn't belong there. He's half-joking. Ha ha, only serious. It's dark humor to hear spoken, but there's a funnier, blacker joke inside.

"You know, if anyone would have said that to or near me on or before April 26, 1998, I would have laughed my ass off." He started chuckling. "But, as you've probably guessed, I don't find that funny anymore."

"That's okay. I wasn't really joking." The mental block opened and I realized something fairly obvious, but that I refused to see anyway, until now. To him, control just is. Controlling people is just what he does. Although he loves to play the part (who wouldn't?), he's not a true egomaniac. He just happens to control me.. having me obey his every command is as natural as breathing to him. Emotion started boiling in my head again.

"I should have figured that." I had something I needed to tell him and no words to tell it to him with. "Oh, Howie... I love you.." was as close as I could come. I held him tightly, wishing for something that can't happen.

"Billy.. I love you too. You're one of the few people I can actually trust. I know even being here next to me has to be horrible, but.. it's the good life. And like you said, it can always get worse."

"Let's hope it doesn't."

"It won't. I won't let it. I told you, Billy, I won't let anything happen to you. It can get worse, but it won't. And I've got 6,000 Illuminati, basically as many Enforcers as I want, and the resources of a planet to make sure that nothing in my life gets nailed." 'Now THAT's protection!', an unfamiliar female voice said in my head.

"After hearing that, I don't think I'm going to take anyone else's confidence seriously again..." Howard started laughing and we stayed, upside down, the blood weighing down on the top of our skulls, for another indeterminate period of time.

The rest of the day didn't matter very much and I was in bed before I knew it.