The room was dimly lit by the same wall-glow- and on the ground was a perfectly ordinary circle with a modest X in the middle of it. Gleefully I jumped in, laughing a booming echo-laugh at whoever was listening. The echo was compounded by the room.

There was a loud THUMP as the way we came in was blocked off. Well, if they've got another trap, it's for another test.. and, considering how little time is remaining in the five weeks, this has to be quick.

"Mighty Inheritor, you have successfully completed the requirements of the second test for the abilities of Endurance and Skill. Now, we shall test you for the abilities of Strength and Speed.", the Bastard's disembodied voice proclaimed through a loudspeaker. Umm, since when were strength and speed Illuminated requirements? I get the feeling that these tests were made in constant consultation with the guys that made me, they're testing their product as if I'm some beta or something... but still, what the hell is this guy trying to pull by putting me through such high-risk situations? And why am I getting this feeling of impending doom... no! No way am I going to lose it all now. "Being of sound mind and able body, do you accept or reject this next challenge?"

"I ACCEPT, YOU ORWELLIAN MOTHERFUCKER!!!", I screamed at the walls, echoed echoes bouncing off them, creating a cascade of noise. "I FUCKING ACCEPT!!! BRING IT RIGHT THE FUCK ON!!!" Had I been doing anything but a steady week of adventure, and had that last bit been any less dangerous than it was, that would have been too melodramatic even for me.

The dim lights turned off and I was momentarily blinded by a lot of spotlights hitting me in the face. I jumped back reflexively and heard the sounds of someone or something trying to be stealthy.

"Inheritor- there is only one rule now.", the bastard said in a hateful tone, as if he wanted and expected me to up and croak on the spot. "Survive."

"You don't think they'll send Enforcers after us, Howard?", Billy muttered in a grating, semi-fearful voice. Oh shit. So that's what I hear...

"Billy... fight."

This is not a martial arts movie. The Enforcers did not come one by one, to be disposed of neatly in order. They came all at once. They didn't have guns- but they had enormous swords, one in each hand. And all I had was this machete. I drew it quickly with my left hand, then steeled myself for the onslaught. They were at me in a second, in what appeared to be a totally imbalanced fight- seven foot tall Enforcers against a 5'1" ten year old. But this is me, and I don't die easily. They were coming at me in a group of three- I numbered them from left to right.

I jumped to the left of 2's double slash from top right to bottom left, and 1 was moving like hell to skewer me in its own double attack- I cut off its head with my first stroke, not feeling the blade cut the vertebrae, moving towards it to avoid the swords, and almost embracing the headless corpse, before jumping back from it. 3 got within millimeters of running me through- I flipped to my left, hit the ground, swapped the machete from left to right, and in the next motion intended to cleave it from the lower left of its abdomen to the upper right of its chest. It managed to partially jump back- I lunged forward a bit and created a huge bloody streak. 2 was coming again and I punched at it with the fist-blades. It moved out of the way fast enough and almost chopped off my arm, before I completely freaked out, ducked down, rushed forward, and just grabbed at its face with my bare left hand, not knowing what I was going to do to it when I got there. When my hand was midway to its face, in a hundredth of a second I realized what to do and straightened my left finger out, poking its eye straight through and slamming my entire first finger through the bone and into its brain. I felt metal and realized that for the first time I was actually touching a mind control implant. I pushed the finger out, pushed the dead thing away, and faced 3- which was inches away from cleaving me apart. There's no way I can dodge this... in reflex, I parried the blade with my own and a resounding CLANG filled the room, above the scuffling sounds of Billy and Sarah's fights. I went totally berserk again, went low again, and started trying to slice apart its legs. It managed to barely parry the first with its other sword, but I was too fast and I cut out a piece of its lower right side with my left hand's blades. It did not react, but instead tried to strike me with the other sword. I clenched my fist and cleaved through its upper right arm, going through most of the bone and disabling it permanently. Then its left arm was dead by the machete, with gore arcing out in a great splatter of red. For a brief instant I was reminded of Monty Python and half-expected the Enforcer to try to kick me to death. It didn't have time. My sword had already cut it from the nave to the chops, within a third of a second after I had hacked off its left arm with it.

I turned to my right just in time to see Sarah break the spine of another one with a solid left-leg kick to the back, then cleave off its head in an expert stroke, slicing through the jugular and the larynx. Blood flew out in a huge spray, splattering everyone with its crimson warmth, as its head hit the ground and rolled a bit. All three of us looked around for more enemies- and found none.

That was it. All the Enforcers were dead as rocks.

The third test was over.

I had emerged victorious.

The spotlights turned off and the dim lights returned, as we put our machetes back into their scabbards with a *schink*. A shower of pure water rained down from above for twenty seconds, soaking us all but washing away most of the blood. Then, a fan of hot, dry air came from the wall and we got closer to it, enjoying the sensation. I squatted down in front of it, resting my body and my mind. Ahh... finally. I took off the helmet and let my hair hang down. Nope, no bugs here, no toxic vapors or annoying plant spores either. I am safe once more.

The floor began to move upwards as it took the three of us to a larger room, filled with cheering and clapping Illuminati. Some guys were putting their notepads away, finished with observing my reactions to the adversities. Some were muttering to themselves. Most were just joyous. One woman handed me a cup of hot chocolate, which I drank with gusto and a grin. The combined pleasure of warmth from behind and warmth from inside almost caused me to fall asleep on the spot.

"Mighty Inheritor, you have passed the three tests. You are now the Dominator of the Illuminati.", the Bastard said. Personally, I don't think he said it quite right:

I am the DOMINATOR of the ILLUMINATI!!

"May your reign be long and glorious.", he continued, obviously not meaning it and going through the motions. He was ready to scream, and no one cared. I half-heartedly considered tearing out his throat and realized that I didn't really feel like getting up to do it. That was it, then. No formalities (yeah, like I'd need any more annoyances after that shit), no random crap, just dominance.

"So what's your first act going to be?", a twenty-five year old man asked with a slight grin.

"My first act? That's going to be to get something to eat." There was a general laugh, and the party continued for two hours- with assorted politics, but nothing major. The lemonade was more sour than anything anyone said, and after all that, I wasn't going to start throwing invectives at anyone for making it too hard; it obviously wasn't, since I survived. People talked details and generalities of things I didn't bother to listen to- they avoided the important things- until the party ran out of people wanting to stay there and we all eventually flew home. They are going to be busy, as they modify and rethink their plans for the definite existence of the new Dominator. I am not going to be even remotely close to busy... and if there's someone dumb enough to call me up for something inane as soon as I get home, woe betide the poor fool.